Sweat Pants Concealer
Busted up Trampled Owl.... Hooter Disgrace.... I'd still jack off on it. A tad mysterious I must say. And what a great blurry shitty photo!
Burned and Busted up Hollywood Rump
This ass has more miles on it than Bob Segers' tour bus. If you look really close you can see the cum dripping out of this ass. The boots and mustard pants are the only thing keeping the fresh hot herpes from jumping out into the crowd. Looks like a great place to extinguish a cigarette.... we're sure it's been done before....
Steven Tyler Stonewash Glute Fail
This burned up REO Speedwagon ass comes with a free pack of Marlboro's and a Camaro. These jeans have seen better days, aside from all of the quarry rapes and Axel Rose worshiping that took place....
Gratuit-ASS
This retarted checkout guy at Ralph's Grocery is not getting a dime from this Hollywood Whorebag, but at least he can get a glimpse of some ass he'll most certainly NEVER get.... EVER
Do Not Want Ass
Put away the lotion and lose the boner. She already caught you masturbating earlier this week. Sex was out the window long ago, once she is done returning her fat nephews cruisewear to Big and Tall, she's on her way home to the bible.
Costco Jean Ass
This ass is definitely dollar store quality. Nothing to get aroused about here. Just an ASS-CALATOR ride to hell....
Willow Troll Ass
Okay wow, where do we begin?? Maybe a picture of Willow would help?
I think she borrowed the jeans from her little brother Timmy. These jeans are probably from the better end of her wardrobe, mostly she plays Command and Conquer in men’s boxers when she’s not out and about. If it weren’t for the pony tail, we’d deduce that this might be a young boy on his way to class. I think Willow is hiding in that gigantic back pack.
“I’m working, don’t hit on me” Ass
This ass is already 3 hours into her second job. Times have changed since she decided to let Rod get her pregnant. At first the Camaro and his incessant addiction to Marlboro reds was a turn-on, but now it’s just a faint reminder of all the cigarettes that she put out in her arm while contemplating her decision to abort the baby in the parking lot of the abortion center. Her only passion now is her collection of Journey albums and paintings by her grandmother. She isn’t very happy when she comes home stinking of Red Bull and Bud Light, and when she’s at work, she makes sure to let you know that she’s not all fun and games. Don’t bother hitting on her because her heart lies in the bloody toilet at the Dairy Queen down on Main Street, where she aborted Rod’s baby girl. Oh wait, maybe it was a boy. Can you tell if it has a vagina or penis, looks like a sack of blood and skin from here…. Flush it.
Hungry, Hungry, Hippo
This Hungry Hippo Ass is definitely ready to munch some marbles. Gobble Gobble Gobble, this ass was donated to our lense by this wonderful beast. She’s not a fan of cardio or salads. Her bratwurst arms and Camel Menthol’s are suggestive of her career as a receptionist at the local plumbing outfit. Until she changes her daily diet of Sonic Cheese Fries and drinking 4,000 Cape Cod’s per night, it’s safe to say that she’s that girl that comes into work every day stinking of booze and bug spray perfume. She’s the one always bitching about her hangover, and loves getting hit on by all the old plumbers, who also admire her plumbers crack.
Cloak and Dagger Ass
We can’t see it. She doesn’t want you to see it. You will never see her bare ass, and if you do, she’ll have a leather mask on. Watch out because she’s going to fuck your ass if she sees yer ass. By the looks of those shoes, the heels will also be penetrating your ass if you ever get this witch in the sack. Black leggings and the backside of her knees suggest an overall pale complexion, her inner darkness matches well with her inner cunt. She probably likes to whip her lovers, but also has a passion for black cats, coffee and has a vagina that smells like an old violin case.
Burrito Butt
She’s ordering a burrito. And she’s got some pathedic competition from her neighboring male ass around. That guy on the left should kill himself after he eats his burrito, are those Sears Jeans? This perky little jean ass is pretty sharp, she even went through the trouble of fraying the upside of the pockets so we know that she’s somewhat hip to the current trends of fashion. If you ask me it looks like she passed out on a treadmill on low, and it frayed away the pockets, but luckily it didn’t go too far because she woke up choking on the cum from the 10 frat guys that just finished pissing semen all over her sorority slut face. Judging by the looks of that bra, her tits aren’t worth mentioning, looks like she should hop in the car with Lee Jeans and they can both do a group suicide. The guy on the far right is a fucking loser.
Dorm Fail Ass
These butts are off-duty. It’s definitely a Blockbuster night for these sluts. The one on the right just can’t wait to get into those Nutty Bars and ho-ho’s that she’s been hiding from her ultra hot roomie, wouldn’t want her to know about her secret face stuffing addiction that she has. On the left we’ve got yer typical Colorado State mountain slut, I bet she has north face underwear and a Cliff Bar jammed up her crotch. Hey since you you must display your connection with the mountains, let’s see that granola crotch of yours.
Bookworm Ass
This ass definitely has logged some hours nestled on the couch harvesting some serious ass zits. A bit of a book worm, obviously since this one was nabbed while this heifer was perusing the Great Bargain Gift Book Section. The flash accidentally went off on this one, it might be over exaggerating the size of her glutes, butt I think we have a winner. I actually thought this might be a good one for the cover of the book? I had to B line it outta the mall because this was just way too up close and personal. Something tells me she might also grab some batteries for the vibrator, I think she owns a big one, make it the D Alkaline batteries since we know that’s a big cornhole we’re gonna be stuffing.
Swamp Ass!
Wow. It must not be that hot out since you are holding a jacket. It looks like this is a woman’s ass but we just aren’t sure. They look like men’s pants though too, same with the jacket. One would deduce that there might be some hair in the mix, if this is a woman, may god help us. I know that sightseeing can be strenuous, but I think if my ass got this sweaty from walking around, I’d invest in more underwear, powder, whatever it takes to keep people in public from taking pictures of my crack. Maybe he/she just sat in a puddle of water. No it’s sweat, I’m sure of it.
LL Bean – Pier One Ass
This butt’s pretty simple, it’s well managed. Painted toe nails, nice leather belt, all that’s missing is some fly fishing rods and this ass would fit in great as an office decor.
Ass Face Mystery Rump
Might as well be in your face eh? This is when you thank the universe for making her step on those laces laces while getting out of the car.
Sloth Ass: Sleeping Bag syndrome.
Big Bird scored sweatpants that she stole from the fat farm. Obviously not interested in turning anyone on today, the only thing missing is some cigarette burns and a few skid marks in your fat fuck dad’s sweat pants. Maybe she has the flu and just couldn’t bring herself to find clothing that wouldn’t make us vomit in our mouths. This is a mixed bag ass, although she looks like a walking sleeping bag, some guys might actually find this sexy. Either way, thanks for keeping us entertained.
Carl Buddig Lunchmeat ASS
Should we splurge and get the Oscar Meyer Balogni or should we just get the Carl Buddig meat? We can go make a dollar sandwich on white bread, and then go home and kill ourselves. Maybe, since we’re in the meat section, I’ll buy a large pepperoni and put it in your bunghole. Listen here toots, yer boyfriend dresses like a plumber, dump his ass and get someone that isn’t going to drag you through the meat section.
Whole Food Heady Ass
This is definitely a Colorado granola ass, sex is definitely out of the question as she is easily outnumbered by men in this town. She probably has a wide variety of organic soaps and douches with patchouli. She probably drives a 4 runner and has two bigass dogs that shed and drool all over her vehicle. She’s got a Colorado Native sticker so that everyone will know that this is HER LAND. “These are my mountains, go away you non-natives” She’s got a nice, safe, tramp stamp that we can barely see on the left side just above the cheek. Probably something safe, maybe a picture of the flaming sun or a yin yang?
Mimi on Wheels
Mimi on wheels. Okay, so, listen, she’s got some class. Green pants = win! This girl is more fun than your fucking face will ever be.
Bed Bath & Beyond Butt
Creep Ass… this was a creeper as you can tell, we sharked this one…. Slow moving van + bed bath and beyond = SCORE! After the security guard chased us through a few parking lots, we uploaded this one to the mother ship. As you can tell she’s got her safari pants on for maximum purchasing at BB&BYND. How about Asian Ass and Beyond? We’re headed over to Jo-ann for more ass pants. We just wanted to pre-purchase a get into jail free card on this one.
Public Serv-Ass
Public Serv-ASS. This poor soul is on her way to bail her alcoholic father out of jail, AGAIN! It’s hard to make judgement here, the skirt can be deceptive, making it hard to tell any sort of contour. From the looks of the stocky calves, shes got some horsepower to propel that upper body.
Equine Ass
Equine Ass. Okay these look like Jockey pants, or those pants that have ass coushins sewn in for when you ride a horse. Or it just may be an older lady with weird cream colored slacks. This was obviously not taken by me, the photographer here wanted some protection, didn’t want to risk being caught. There are some strange fatty deposits that follow down along the left side of the leg. Hey next time you get mayonnaise injection into your ass, tell them to go a little higher, that shit is seeping down into the lower end of your leg.
Baggage Ass
Okay so this ass has some baggage. She had some very unpleasant experiences in life, including being used by several boys growing up. Her ass looks like it’s smiling by the pockets, but maybe it’s more like frowning. The sweatshirt and blue tshirt underneath suggest that she just left the student health center, turns out that guy she let jack off all over her face the other night was not HIV positive. She only went in to be safe, a tad of semen got in her eye and she wanted to be proactive about the disease if she was to contract it. The ass next to her, black Grimace, has the same issues. Is that the Golden Gate Bridge in the background! WOW!
Meth Quest Ass
METH-QUEST-ASS! Okay so this one is on the prowl for some controlled substances, I think meth is a controlled substance? So it’s kinda hard to make judgement on blubber ratio, and if you zoom in on the left arm you can see the track marks on her arm. What’s that thing on her keychain? I think it’s a circular mirror for snorting junk, or maybe it’s part of that brick building that she just shielded the blowjob that she gave for her next fix. Interesting ass in motion….
Stormy Butt-day
Wow folks, did you see the weather report? ASS STORM! What the hell is going on here. Are you sure this wasn’t taken in Japan? JAH-P-ASS! She stole these jeans from 1983, Jordache maybe? I have no idea, and maybe Jean history is something worth learning more about. The white shoes are out, and you know what, she’s not worth the effort.
Courderoy Ass
I really like this one, it kinda sucks that it’s got potential blurry, through the windshield and a dumb cord in the way. Obviously zoomed, and our fucking windows are always dirty (I gotta do something about that) but at least we made it happen. And these courteroy hybrid jean things are fit pretty nice. She’s got class and taste, nice color choice and her borderline bed bath beyond hooker bag is pretty nice, I think it was originally a gift bag that she decided to use as a purse. The ass itself is a nice match for these ass pants, the pockets are almost too small, but just the right size. These pants/jeans, we’ll call them Peeajns, no we wont, are doing her glutes some justice. Her pants might be leftover from high school, maybe she didn’t wear them right but when she wasn’t on a depression ice cream bender or too skinny from her coke days when she used to dance at the Cockpit, she can always rely on these babies. Good pick, keep doing what yer doing.
Mixed Message Ass
Talk about mixed messages. Men’s looking Levi’s, calves of steel. These jeans have got her through a few abortions and several summer nights of not putting out. The hair and free t-shirt are showing us that she just doesn’t care and really doesn’t have much to offer. Okay I’m just gonna get mean on this bitch. Her cell phone is probably the most basic model, I’m not even sure if she’s able to send text messages. She’s probably mad about English class, I would be too if I sucked that old man’s dick just to get a B.
Humboldt Ass
Can we just look at this one again please? Okay thanks…. Huck Finn ass, maybe she’s going to play in the mud a little later and jump around in the rain.
Desert Cloak Star Wars Ass
What the fuck is this shit man! Fucking desert cloak star wars ass. We have no idea what’s going on here, but we can see a bit of the left glute and a hint of the right. Obviously an older woman, doing society a favor by not wearing spandex. Her buttox have obviously taken priority for receiving blubber over other parts, and maybe that’s just what nature intended.
Wine Tasting Butt
Okay so here’s a Butt-sted picture. This lady caught me in the act, the whole group was at a Winery in California, and the flash was on. We’ve since turned off the default flash setting. She was the coolest anyone could be about it, in fact from what she told us she might have dabbled around with stripping in her younger days. She would never touch a fat fuck like me so she kind of gave me a “you are a pathedic bald jerk” type look and seemed happy with the attention. She later told us she was late forties and she had a body to die for, very sexy to see such a healthy woman that was probably secretly stoked that she’s still got it. She hooked us up with wine and plenty of jokes, one thing that creeped me out is that her pants somewhat resembled bernies man jeans.
Body Swallows Ass!
Okay so as I write more and more I can only think of cheap shots. Her ass was taken over by the rest of her body. There is always hope, and I’m trying not to pick on her. She’s a beautiful wonderful person, and we all are. We often neglect our bodies and allow them to become inactive, when we allow our world to get ahead of us, we eat poorly and don’t exercise… this looks to be some genetics and poor health, and when we divert from our nature to become unhealthy, we become un-sexy. Although sometimes sad and tragic, the good news is that every day is a new day, a chance to slim down and get sexy again. From a distance the movements of this beautiful human, resemble an animal that might roam in the jungle, maybe a rhino or a truck weighed down with more cargo than it was meant to carry.
Camp-ass
CAMP-ASS. Campus ass. Okay so she just has to go turn in a paper or something obviously. Getting ready to make summer plans, she’s taking a job in the northern woods of Minnesota with her laimo boyfriend. They will spend a summer of making organic granola bars and teaching retarded kids how to canoe. The dollar store flippers are actually what she wears in the dorm showers so she doesn’t get feet fungus.
Mobile Academic Ass
Okay this one is nice. Sexy, it’s a butt of purpose. Mobile academic ass. Enlightened ass ass, ASS! Just got done with class, maybe got a little wet on the crack from rolling through a puddle that was created on the sidewalk from the sprinklers on campus. When she gets off the bike she’s going to probably have to pull on the crack to get her underwear out of her ass. She better make sure and put her bike in the house because once she gets off it, I’m running over to sniff the seat.
Utility Butt
Utility ass. Definitely falls into the “I don’t care” category, or at least, the I’m not trying to be sexy. And don’t get me wrong, that’s great. An ass can’t always be in show mode, from a man’s perspective not many of us guys go out of our way to look sexy, we are often criticized as being feminine if we wore ass tight jeans. A good pal of mine wears “entourage” jeans, sometimes from far away you might think by the look of his ass that he’s a chick. Either way, chicks dig his pants, the ones that make fun of his pants are the chicks that I have to side with
This utility ass above bears little contour. In fact, it has strange creases down the legs, not sure if they are seams or maybe she got crazy with some meth and an iron and an assload of starch to try and make some sort of fucked up fashion statement. The car in the background sums it up even more. As I recall, I couldn’t get a superficial judgement peek at this one, her dad almost busted me taking this shot. It was in motion while crossing the street. Belt and disheveled look suggest a day of running around doing chores, obviously with going to the bank and getting dog food on the mind.
College Duo Ass
Okay these two might as well be walking crookedly out of a hourly motel with cigarettes and lipstick smears on their faces. The one on the left is definitely ready for some action. We can’t see her nail polish on her toenails, and we don’t get a peek at the tattoo on the front of her ankle. Maybe in the future we can synchronize efforts and do a 3d type shot where we have a guy to do the front, but that’s opening up a whole can of worms. Old Navy on the left’s pants have seen a few rough days, they still probably smell like dorm and maybe a little too much Snuggle softener from the jumbo sam’s club size that Mom and Dad gave her at their last visit to campus. Their purses signify their personalities, obviously the hooker on the left is big on vanity and probably has a Crate and Barrel condom organizer that sorts by each trick. Okay I’m a fuck, but remember this is fiction so suck it. They are both on their way to class to cheat on their math test…
Healthy Butt
Grrrrrrrrrrarrrrrrrr! She might have indulged in a few Wendy’s Baconators, and god bless her. Honestly a skeletor ass does not turn us on, nothing wrong with some meat. In motion here, she’s obviously not a personal trainer but looks pretty healthy to me. She’s got a somewhat short ass, it’s small but pops out. Judging by her strut, she’s probably walking home to take a dump.
Coffee-Snark Ass
These jeans border on needing to be given to the needy. Obviously making coffee in a drivethru shouldn’t give you a reason to dress sexy? I beg to differ, if I owned that coffee shop she’d have to walk around with super tight jeans and a cougar pattern thong jammed up her crack, it’d have to look all disheveled as if she just got finger banged by a junior varsity punk in the back of the coffee shack. We should point out pocket design, this is a big deal with jeans, I mean it say’s a lot, it’s art. Sometimes the simpler the better, I think a few more belt loops would have snugged things up a bit more.
Workin Butt
Workin butt. American Girl, Tom Petty ass. Fillin up the car tires. Not sure if there is any underwear going on here. It’s been a long day, and maybe it’s just too warm to be wearing these jeans. Are these Wal-Mart jeans? Later we will be discussing cheap jeans, not to say they aren’t sexy, I buy my fucking jeans at Ross for $10 so I hope there is some girl out there writing about my loser ass and my fuckface loser designer Ross jeans. Anyway, I’m working on trying to get more mom ass Wal-Mart jean ass pics, Jeans that try to fashion a more domesticated trampled mom ass in some sort of alien way… the pictures will have to portray this, you might understand what I’m talking about but I doubt it.
Bar Slut Butt
Alright so, this was taken at a bar I’d assume. And for the love of god, no belt, dirty shoes, no fucking underwear and leaning up. Obviously not very self conscious. “let me just throw on some jeans for tonight, maybe if I fuck a guy in the bathroom I won’t have to worry about my underwear getting wet on a piss soaked men’s room floor”….
IHOP Ass
Okay so this isn’t a McDonald’s butt. I think it was a 3am IHOP ass but this kinda describes the work pant ass syndrome. Obviously in the case here, we have a stressed out ass. Literally a stressed ass with a stressed owner. The upper part of her ass provides an “I’m angry, handrest” this layer of fat and skin gives her something to rest her hand on whenever someone gets complicated with their orders, or complains.
Worn & Torn Butt
Worn and torn. She’s there, she kinda gave up tonight. You can tell by the wear in the middle seam that runs through the middle of the crotch, that these jeans have done some sitting. Maybe even packed a few chili dog farts on a solo drive through Nebraska. They were pretty hot the first few weeks, but after a while they turned into ultility pants, jeans that were still worthy of the bar, but really were only good for boring Saturday’s sitting on Chad’s couch playing scrabble and not putting out for him. These pants have sort of worn away the contour of the ass, you can tell that without these jeans, this butt could be a big winner but due to wear and lack of care, they blend in well with the crowd. Camo-ass….
Rape Me Ass
Okay, this is the end of the innocence. Shame on pop culture for making us have these thoughts in response to this type of clothing, but it’s far from Christian my friends. It’s showing skin, the clothing suggests young and innocent (I guess…) But hey, guys love this sort of thing, and I’m sure the girl might get off on it more than anyone else. Women that don’t want to show off their stuff, don’t wear shit like that right? And women that don’t like women that wear shit like that, definitely don’t have any shit to show off. How many really gorgeous women are wearing clothing that blurs their true form? I’m sure there is tons, but they are probably governed by religion or government or closed mindedness? Or maybe I’m just a sick evil fuck? I doubt it, in fact I believe in true love, I am in love, and I’m not sure what I’m doing is the most moral thing to do but it’s what I want to do. Hopefully one can go down a certain road without being stereotyped about talking about ass. Do gynecologists talk about pussy? Does a gynecologist eat out his wife, or does he perform cunnilingus? Does a proctologist plug his wife’s ass … okay nevermind. The book will come with moist towllettes to wipe your brain of the trauma of my words. I guess what I’m trying to say is CONTEXT folks. So getting back to the rape me ass. It’s not a rape me ass, but it’s saying, hey check this out! Look at my tender ass and legs, with my skirt that does come up, you can almost reach my love box through this very thin layer of clothing. Do I want to do that, no? But I mean shit, if you take the thought to extreme. If I wasn’t going to be horny by that clothing, might it be the end of the human race if men weren’t turned on? Anyway, let’s talk about something else….
McDonald's Butt
If you’ve ever rolled through McDonald’s with not only McNugget’s but hot ass on your mind, you’ll realize that McDonald’s pants are shitty ass corporate slacks. I won’t call them pants, they are slacks, and they were specifically tailored by McDonald’s to display 100% business only ass. Corporate got together…. “Well Jim, we are having issues with sexual assault, and with those recent booty pictures that were circulating in our Detroit chains, I think we need to re-evaluate our dress code”…. “maybe if we could design pants that take out any sort of protuberances, anything that makes our employees think of sex at work, then we can save on incidents relating to sexuality in the workplace”…. The rest is history, so next time yer at McDonald’s if you find a nice ass, then send a pic please.
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